Monday, March 18, 2013

I get it.

I get it. I know what if feels like. To feel like you don't even matter to anyone, to feel like nobody wants you around. To feel like nobody wants to talk to you, spend time with or call you their friend. To spend lunch alone listening to music and waiting for it to be over so you can go to class where it looks like you're concentrating, but you just don't have any friends to get distracted by. And it doesn't even matter anyways, because you aren't even paying attention. You're wishing you could be anywhere else but this world, because even the teacher picks on you. Then in gym you put on sweats and a hoodie to hide your scars, even though you're already too hot. You get picked last, again. Then you finally go home and cry or cut and just lay there numb in your room, hoping your parents don't come and make you do stuff. At dinner, you barely eat anything because you feel too fat, even though you aren't. Then finally, you get to go to bed and finally sleep. But not yet, because your thoughts are gonna keep you up for hours, thinking about dying and how no one likes you. How you're pathetic in every way. You finally fall asleep and have a terrible dream. Or a dream about good old memories which makes you want and miss them more more. But you know they're never coming back. I get it.

I just lay in my bed, thinking about everything. Thinking about the people who have walked in and out of my life without saying goodbye. The guys I've liked who have played me, or used me. I think about how dumb I was to get my hopes up too fast. I think about school and how I should try a lot harder. I think about I care about what others think about me. I really shouldn't care because this is me and no one can change that. I think about my family and how close we all used to be, now we're drifting slowly and painfully. I think about later on in life, and how I'm going to turn out. Then I just close my eyes and cry. Cry because of sadness. Because of anger. I'm depressed and it hurts. Especially at night. When I just want life to end.

But then, you get through that phase. After endless nights of crying, hurting, tormenting yourself over something you said or did, you just realise that there is no point. You're a human, you're going to make mistakes. Not everyone is going to accept you. But there'll always be someone who wants to be your friend. You're never alone no matter what you're going through, someone is always there who can understand you. One day, you will realise that you are good enough, you will stop caring about what people think. You finally surround yourself by people who love you and ignore all people who don't like you because, well, that's their problem, not yours!

HEY YOU... yes, you. Stop being unhappy with yourself. You are perfect. Stop wishing you looked like someone else, that person probably wants to be someone else too! Or wishing people liked you as much as they like someone else. Someone completely different likes you! Stop trying to get attention from those who hurt you. They really aren't worth your time. Stop hating your body, your face, your personality, your quirks. Love them. Without those things, you wouldn't be you. And that you is unique. There is no one who is exactly like you. Never has been, never will be. And why would you want to be anyone else? Be confident with who you are. Smile. It'll draw people in. If anyone hates you because you are happy with yourself. Then stuff them! Your happiness will not depend on others anymore. Say to them, "I am happy because I love who I am. I love my flaws. I love my imperfections. They make me, me. And that "me" is pretty darn amazing." they will stop harassing you. They will actually get jealous and want to have the same attitude as you. Just live your life the way you want to. Live your life to make yourself happy. Stop caring about people who want to bring you down. They'll grow up one day and focus on themselves.

Be positive, beautiful. Embrace yourself for who you are. Someone out there thinks you're perfect.

Stay strong, okay?
I'm always here for any of you.
You're so beautiful.

Awesome Teenage Blogger Award!

Hey, guys! 

I've just gotten my very first award ever, and I am so excited and happy. When I first saw the comment about me getting an award, I thought it was spam or just a joke, lmao. I am so happy. 
A big, fat, huge, gigantic, enormous thank you to Fatima Hayat from Craft 360 who  gave me this award. You've made my day, and motivated me to come up with a few blog posts as I haven't been blogging recently!
I would like to thank my shadow for always being there for me, my siblings for annoying the crap out of me, my bed for being such a welcoming friend, my computer for introducing me to the world of blogging, my parents for paying for the internet and most importantly my cat Louis and my dog - wait, I don't even have a dog.
But seriously, thank you, Fatima!

*happy dances*

The rules are:

1. Thanks the person who gave you this award and copy the rules to a new post on your own blog. 
2. Answer the 3 introduction questions and the 4 questions asked by the kind person who awarded you.
3. Tag between 1 to 100 other bloggers aged twenty years or younger.
4. Think of 4 more questions to ask your lucky recipients and inform them that they have won an award!

 Introduction Questions (To help us all to get to know each other!): 

Question # 1
 Which 5 words would you use to describe your personality? Is your blogging personality anyway different from your real-life one?
A: Hmmmm: weird, friendly, shy, bubbly and a pervert. (yes, I just called myself a pervert. I tend to think the nasty side of normal things. sigh.) I'm not exactly sure, but I think my blogging personality is the same as my real-life one. I'm not sure though, to be quite honest.

Question # 2 
Where in the world do you live and who with?
A: I live in Algeria, I live with my mum, dad, five brothers, two sisters and two tortoises. And a cat. Or two. Or three. Or non. Idk.

Question # 3
 When did you start blogging and why?
A: I asked mum to make me a blog when I was like 12 (four years ago, nearly five) or something. I actually thought a blog was facebook and when she made me a blog I was like, "whaaaat, i asked for a blog not this!" when she finally understood that for me facebook was a blog, she sadly said no to me making a facebook account so I decided to just start blogging. I started this blog in November 2012 though. 

Extra Questions (the award winner will redesign these each time):

 Question #4
whats your dream place to live after ten years? and why?
A: I don't really have a dream place. Am I supposed to?I wouldn't mind living with Justin Bieber in ten years though, wherever he'll be living then. Don't judge, I'm awesome okay.

Question # 5
Have you ever done anything dishonest/foolish? Did you learn from it?
A: I can't think of anything right now, but I probably have and probably did learn from it. 

Question # 6
whats your favorite subject and worst subject at school? and why?
A: My favourite subject is Maths because I just love it. It's really fun once you get the hang of it. Worst? Probably history, because I'm a lazy git who never learns anything.

Question #7
 If someone asked you to give them a random piece of advice, what would you say? 
A: Don't let a society stereotype define who you are. Live life the way you want and be happy. 

Now to the nominees. I'll like to pass this blogger award onto:
(this is embarrassing because I actually can't think of a teenage blogger because all the blogs I read are my mum's friends' blogs. this is actually quite sad. I can only think of one.... Sigh. )

Nina Marinkovic she is a hilarious, random, awesome blogger who never fails to make me smile. Everyone should go and check her out! 

And if you're another teenage blogger reading this, feel free to do this, okay? I just don't read lots of blogs, sadly. 

 My 4 questions for you all to answer (plus the 3 introduction questions) are:
  1. If you had one minute to tell the whole world something, what would you say?
  2. What is your all time favourite song and why?
  3. If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?
  4. Do you like The Hunger Games? (if you don't, I'm judging you)

P.S if you actually do do this. please drop me a comment, I'd love to read yours! :)

Stay strong, people.
Life is good.