Dear Sexual Abuse Survivor

"Dear Sexual Abuse Survivor,

I know what it feels like. I know what to feels like to wake up everyday and look at yourself in the mirror and try to accept what has happened to you. Try to fight away the guilt, telling yourself it isn't your fault. Try to convince yourself that it's okay. That you'll soon forget. 

Truth is, you don't. I'm not going to lie. But you don't ever forget. It is permanent scarring. It will always be there. It will always effect you. But you can control it. You can eventually stop jumping and snapping at whoever touches you. For me, it's people who are close to me that effect me most. I can't bear being touched in any way. Especially adults like parents, uncles, aunts... Maybe it's because my abuser is close family. And even though I trust these figures... I just, I don't know. Them touching them makes me feel very uncomfortable and I get those unwanted flashbacks. 

Sexual abuse effects are different in each person. Another effect I hate is how I can't hug my baby sister or any other little kid, or hold them in my lap without feeling like a nasty pervert if I find my hand on their legs, lower stomach...etc. Even though it's completely innocent, I feel uncomfortable. So now, I'd rather just avoid physical contact with little kids. If I lay down on my bed and realise my hand is next to my chest or lower stomach I feel disgusted by myself and quickly pull my hands away. I'm not sure why. But I hate it. One of the worst effects is how I can't have a healthy relationship with anyone. I have a boyfriend now, we've been together for a while now and despite how comfortable I am with him, I can't sleep with him. I get too uncomfortable and if I force myself to go through with it, I feel miserable, depressed, disgusting and guilty for days... sometimes weeks after. And that takes a huge toll on our relationship. I'm terrified I'll never have a healthy relationship. 

I hate what my abuser did to me. I have no confidence, I am depressed, and I'm finding it very hard to move on from it all. I see a therapist who helps me a lot. But it takes so long to get better. I wish I was stronger. I feel sorry that my boyfriend isn't with someone healthy, someone who won't cry herself to sleep if he touches her in the wrong way. Someone who won't freak out if she's standing in the corner of an elevator full of men. Someone who doesn't curse men and their disgusting sexual desires that are supposed to be a natural part of life. A part of life that I just can't seem to accept. 

But I honestly believe, that one day, I will get better. I will be happy again. I will learn how to trust. How to love. How to be strong. Crying helps, writing helps, talking helps, praying helps, music helps, screaming helps. It's a long, hard journey to get better. But it's possible. I promise you. I've spoken to many people who were able to somewhat move on from their traumas. It really is possible.

Keep fighting. Fight hard. It's worth it. Keep in mind that non of what has happened is your fault. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to love and be loved. You really do. Please believe that."

This was emailed to me from a beautiful 19 year old girl, who wishes to remain anonymous. I re-wrote this for her as English isn't her first language. I hope this helps you survivors out there, or helps you to understand other survivors.

Stay strong & beautiful, y'all.
♥

Sexual abuse.

What is sexual abuse?

At the extreme end of the spectrum, sexual abuse includes sexual intercourse or its deviations. Yet all offences that involve sexually touching a child, as well as non-touching offenses and sexual exploitation, are just as harmful and devastating to a child’s well-being.

Touching sexual offenses include:

• Fondling;
• Making a child touch an adult’s sexual organs; and
• Penetrating a child’s vagina or anus no matter how slight with a penis or any object that doesn’t have a valid medical purpose.

Non-touching sexual offenses include:

• Engaging in indecent exposure or exhibitionism;
• Exposing children to pornographic material;
• Deliberately exposing a child to the act of sexual intercourse; and
• Masturbating in front of a child.

Sexual exploitation can include:

• Engaging a child or soliciting a child for the purposes of prostitution; and
• Using a child to film, photograph or model pornography.

These definitions are broad. In most states, the legal definition of child molestation is an act of a person—adult or child—who forces, coerces or threatens a child to have any form of sexual contact or to engage in any type of sexual activity at the perpetrator’s direction.

What should you look into if you suspect your child is being sexually abused?

Children who are sexually abused may exhibit behavioral changes, based on their age.

Children up to age 3 may exhibit:

• Fear or excessive crying
• Vomiting
• Feeding problems
• Bowel problems
• Sleep disturbances
• Failure to thrive

Children ages 2 to 9 may exhibit:

• Fear of particular people, places or activities
• Regression to earlier behaviors such as bed wetting or stranger anxiety
• Victimization of others
• Excessive masturbation
• Feelings of shame or guilt
• Nightmares or sleep disturbances
• Withdrawal from family or friends
• Fear of attack recurring
• Eating disturbances

Symptoms of sexual abuse in older children and adolescents include:

• Depression
• Nightmares or sleep disturbances
• Poor school performance
• Promiscuity
• Substance abuse
• Aggression
• Running away from home
• Fear of attack recurring
• Eating disturbances
• Early pregnancy or marriage
• Suicidal gestures
• Anger about being forced into situation beyond one’s control
• Pseudo-mature behaviors

[All information above is from here & here. Feel free to go and read more about it.]

Sexual abuse is usually performed on the child by it's parents, close family members, teacher, older siblings, babysitter. Scary, right? But sadly, it's true.
.

My advice to anyone who has suffered from this is to immediately speak to your parents (I know how hard it is, I personally had to text my mum as I couldn't possibly say it to her face!) and get professional help (speak to a therapist). And always keep in mind that this is NOT your fault. You're beautiful, and a wonderful person. Who did that to you is the one to fully blame.


Stay strong,
You''re beautiful.
♥