I get it.

I get it. I know what if feels like. To feel like you don't even matter to anyone, to feel like nobody wants you around. To feel like nobody wants to talk to you, spend time with or call you their friend. To spend lunch alone listening to music and waiting for it to be over so you can go to class where it looks like you're concentrating, but you just don't have any friends to get distracted by. And it doesn't even matter anyways, because you aren't even paying attention. You're wishing you could be anywhere else but this world, because even the teacher picks on you. Then in gym you put on sweats and a hoodie to hide your scars, even though you're already too hot. You get picked last, again. Then you finally go home and cry or cut and just lay there numb in your room, hoping your parents don't come and make you do stuff. At dinner, you barely eat anything because you feel too fat, even though you aren't. Then finally, you get to go to bed and finally sleep. But not yet, because your thoughts are gonna keep you up for hours, thinking about dying and how no one likes you. How you're pathetic in every way. You finally fall asleep and have a terrible dream. Or a dream about good old memories which makes you want and miss them more more. But you know they're never coming back. I get it.

I just lay in my bed, thinking about everything. Thinking about the people who have walked in and out of my life without saying goodbye. The guys I've liked who have played me, or used me. I think about how dumb I was to get my hopes up too fast. I think about school and how I should try a lot harder. I think about I care about what others think about me. I really shouldn't care because this is me and no one can change that. I think about my family and how close we all used to be, now we're drifting slowly and painfully. I think about later on in life, and how I'm going to turn out. Then I just close my eyes and cry. Cry because of sadness. Because of anger. I'm depressed and it hurts. Especially at night. When I just want life to end.

But then, you get through that phase. After endless nights of crying, hurting, tormenting yourself over something you said or did, you just realise that there is no point. You're a human, you're going to make mistakes. Not everyone is going to accept you. But there'll always be someone who wants to be your friend. You're never alone no matter what you're going through, someone is always there who can understand you. One day, you will realise that you are good enough, you will stop caring about what people think. You finally surround yourself by people who love you and ignore all people who don't like you because, well, that's their problem, not yours!

HEY YOU... yes, you. Stop being unhappy with yourself. You are perfect. Stop wishing you looked like someone else, that person probably wants to be someone else too! Or wishing people liked you as much as they like someone else. Someone completely different likes you! Stop trying to get attention from those who hurt you. They really aren't worth your time. Stop hating your body, your face, your personality, your quirks. Love them. Without those things, you wouldn't be you. And that you is unique. There is no one who is exactly like you. Never has been, never will be. And why would you want to be anyone else? Be confident with who you are. Smile. It'll draw people in. If anyone hates you because you are happy with yourself. Then stuff them! Your happiness will not depend on others anymore. Say to them, "I am happy because I love who I am. I love my flaws. I love my imperfections. They make me, me. And that "me" is pretty darn amazing." they will stop harassing you. They will actually get jealous and want to have the same attitude as you. Just live your life the way you want to. Live your life to make yourself happy. Stop caring about people who want to bring you down. They'll grow up one day and focus on themselves.

Be positive, beautiful. Embrace yourself for who you are. Someone out there thinks you're perfect.


Stay strong, okay?
I'm always here for any of you.
You're so beautiful.
♥

25 reasons why you shouldn't end your life.

Suicide. That constant act on your mind, debating whether to do it, planning on when to do it, or already writing your suicide note? Thinking how much your life sucks? How you don't want to cry yourself to sleep every night anymore? How you don't want to be bullied everyday? How you're sick of hearing your parents fight? How you're afraid of that abuser coming back and hurting you? How you're tired of feeling lonely? How you wish you had real friends? How you wish you had better grades? How you wish you were pretty, thin and good enough? Please just stop. Or at least, reevaluate your thoughts after reading all these reasons to not end your life: 

1. It probably isn't as bad as you make it out to be. Over-thinking things make them seem a billion times worse. Try talking them out with someone and see how simple or stupid your problems may be.
2. Think about those poor, starving children or those cancer patients fighting for their lives, or those people who lost everything in a natural disaster yet refuse to break down and still fight for a good life.
3. Appreciate what you have instead of glooming over what you don't have. Your life isn't perfect. My life isn't perfect. Nobody's life is perfect. It's not only you.
4. You are certainly not alone. There are millions of people who struggle with the same thoughts as you on a daily basis and fight those thoughts away. If they can do it, then so can you.
5. You are good enough. You are pretty enough. You are clever enough. You are talented enough. You are strong enough. You can make your dreams come true. You can have a better life. You can not cry yourself to sleep every night. You can wake up feeling happy. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that every single day. You'll believe it eventually, I promise.
6. Those haters and bullies want to see you down. Don't let them feel happy with you breaking down. Stay strong. 
7. Stay strong just for that special one special in your life that you wake up everyday to see.
8. Everyday is a new day. Being depressed over the past won't change anything. Forget the past. Live for today, and the future will be so much better.
9. Death is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. 
10. Don't hurt all of your loved ones. You killing yourself will have unimaginable effects on them forever. They don't deserve to have their lives ruined because you decided to end your life. They will blame themselves no matter what your suicide note says. They will live forever miserable, angry, hurt and all asking that one question: why? 
11. Ice-cream tastes good.
12. Whatever you're going through will not last forever. Nothing ever does. Stay strong and wait for things to get better. 
13. Imagine missing out on everything.... Growing up, meeting new people, having new chances, making new memories with your loved ones.
14. What about the person who finds you dead? Think about how they'd feel. Would you really want to put them through such horror?
15. You were brought into this world for a reason. So LIVE!
16. Never seeing a new day, rain, sunshine, snow, children laughing, a rainbow again.
17. Never being able to grow up more and make those haters realise that they were wrong all along. Work hard and come out more successful, happier and healthier than them. 
18. Your life has a value whether you see it or not. Please don't end it.
19. Missing out on all your favourite artists releasing new work.
20. Missing out on those first dates... Those butterflies, taking a billion breath-mints.... all for that one special person.
21. There is always somebody out there who wants you to live and can't imagine life without you.
22. All that yummy food you will never be able to eat. 
23. Seeing the iPhone 6! 
24. You'll never watch the next episode of your favourite show, and you'll never see your favourite movie again.
25. Once you kill yourself, you're gone. Finished. Bye bye. No one can bring you back. You'll never be able to try out the things you wanted, see places you wanted to see, meet new people, chase after your dreams, make new memories with the people you love. 

Please think about it properly. Do you really want to end everything? We all want to end all that pain and the hurt. But life also has those good little things in them. If you think about it properly, you'll be able to see all of those amazing little details about your life that you never noticed before. Life is so damn good no matter how much pain you're going through at this moment. Slap some sense into yourself and stop moping around. There are people who would do anything to have your life. Some people have absolutely nothing in their lives, yet they still find a reason to smile and a reason to fight harder for a better life. You have family, you have friends, you have a home, you have clothes to wear, you have food to eat, appreciate that for a change. Take a moment out of your day to reflect on your happy memories and all of the blessings that you have been blessed with and then hopefully, you will feel different about ending your own beautiful life.

No matter how many mistakes you have made, appologise, buy the person you hurt a gift. If they forgive you, then great! If they don't, then that is there problem. You have done what you can and that's what matters. We all make mistakes, don't constantly punish yourself for being human.

Stay strong,
You're so beautiful.
I promise.
♥

Self-harm

One in four teenagers self-harm. Yes, you read it right: one in four! Yet, this issue seems to have an unspoken rule that no one speaks of it, people act like it doesn't exist, when it does, and it is quite a serious issue.

Basically, self-harm is when people feel lost, angry, worthless, lonely, depressed, dead, sad, helpless, or/and hopeless they either cut themselves, burn themselves, pull their hair out (hair, eyebrows, eyelashes), swallow too many pills, stab themselves, bang their bodies against a wall, or any other way that causes themselves pain. It makes them feel alive, it can numb the pain, or have other effects. It just help them feel better for a short period of time, it's a way out. It is like a sort of drug, and yes, you get addicted to it after a while.

Why do people self-harm?

It's a way of dealing with very difficult feelings that build up inside. You may:

-Feel desperate about a problem and don't know where to turn for help. You feel trapped and helpless. When you self-harm, you feel more in control.

-Your feelings of anger or tension get bottled up inside until you feel like exploding. Self-harm relieves this tension.
Have feelings of guilt or shame that become unbearable - self-harm can be a way to punish yourself.

-You feel detached from the world and your body. This can be a way of coping with distressing experiences, such as trauma or abuse - by convincing yourself that it didn't happen, you avoid the pain of the memory but feel emotionally numb or dead. Self-harm is a way of feeling more connected and alive.


Treatment:

-Talking to someone can help you feel less alone, to see your problems more clearly. The following treatments may help:

-Self-help groups help people with similar problems to give each other support and practical advice – believe it or not, sharing problems in a group does help.

Group therapy can often help you sort out difficulties in getting on with other people. Talking therapies - including problem solving, cognitive behavioural therapy or psychodynamic psychotherapy - can all help. Some evidence suggests that problem-solving therapy may be beneficial too.

If you don't feel brave enough to join groups to get help, feel free to contact me. I have struggled with this issue for a couple of years and I think I have finally over come it, so, I do understand, I can listen and I will help.

One in three people who self-harm will do it again within a year if they don’t get help. People who self-harm are 50 times more likely to kill themselves. So please, get help!

What can I do if I know someone who self-harms?


-Listen to them without being critical. This can be very hard if you're upset or angry, but try to focus on them rather than your feelings.

-Try to understand their feelings, and then move the conversation to other things.

-Take the mystery out of self-harm by helping them find out more on the internet or at the library.

-Help them to think about their self-harm not as a shameful secret, but as a problem to be sorted out.

And please understand, it's not as simple as going into therapy or something and just stopping. You may need to convince them to stop self-harm. Yes, easier said than done, but here's something I wrote a while ago that will give you some ideas.

"Dear self-harmer,

So you hurt yourself? I did too. You realise that you have to stop? I realised too.
It might help during that moment, but then, all these emotions come crashing back worse than ever. It will only damage your body, leave ugly scars that will remind you of that dreaded pain everyday. And does it help solve your problems? No. So why do it? It will only harm you emotionally and physically, and hurt your family and friends when/if they find out. Long story short: it's crap and it won't change a thing."

Instead of hurting yourself, speak to someone (don't know who to talk to? I am here to listen! Contact me.), listen to music, watch a movie, go help your mum, do some homework, read a book, play sports, just do anything to keep your mind off of self-harm. I used to be like, "I'll wash up then I'll cut." Then when I washed up and I still felt the urge to do it, I'd be like, "I'll check my facebook then I'll cut." and it goes on until that urge finally went away, I know, it's hard! But you have to be strong, okay?

If you really must hurt yourself, take a cold shower, hold ice-cubes tightly in your hand (add ketchup or something red for the blood effect if you must). Use a knife or a razor or something and cut up some vegetables or something (NOT YOURSELF!). If you feel like it isn't helping, try drawing cuts onto your skin using a red pen.

If you feel like crying, then cry. Cry until you don't have any tears left. Cry your eyes out. It always helps. Punch a wall, your cushions, your little sister's dolls and stuffed animals (don't let her see you, she won't be happy! lol). Scream into your pillow, put on a song super loud and shout along with it, dance, jump around.
Write your feelings into a diary or a letter (no one has to see it, but if you wish to send it to someone, go ahead), or, again, talk to someone! Getting a hug of off your mum, bestfriend, boyfriend/girlfriend is the best. If you can't talk to someone you know, I am here for you. Or speak to one of your online friends.

Do you self-harm because of bullies? Don't do it. Stay strong. You are above them. They just want to see you break down, so don't do it. Keep your head held high. It's hard, but you can do it.

I remember reading something Alfredo Flores said that slapped me in the face and greatly helped me stop self-harming: "No pain is great enough to cause you to self-harm." and he's right. You are beautiful, I don't care whether you believe it or not because you're beautiful and you better start believing it! To someone out there, you mean the world. They look at you and think you're the most beautiful person out there. No one is ugly, everyone is beautiful in someone's eyes. So you are above hurting yourself. Your beautiful body doesn't deserve it.

I self-harmed for over a year as I went through my father being in prison, and other painful memories that haunted me and made me feel so worthless and dirty, I hated myself, maybe I still do, but cutting was my way out, I hurt myself in other ways too, thinking I deserved the pain. My mother found out last summer, gave me an awful telling off about how I had a great life and I didn't have problems like I think I have, then she tried to get me to talk to her about it but I couldn't speak to her. She told me if she ever saw cuts again, she'd ban me from going online until I'm no longer under her responsibility. She thought I was attention seeking and posted about it online, when I did tweet about once only because I knew mum would be going on my twitter so it was like an indirect message to mum... Anyway, mum's threats didn't stop me from doing it, and I just learnt to be more sneaky with it and self-harmed where she wouldn't be able to see. I hide the scars with bracelets and stuff like that, my best friends found out eventually and they helped me stop. I knew I had to stop, I knew it wasn't good for me, but it was hard, I would occupy myself with things I had to do before I cut, I would let my list get longer and longer until that urge to cut disappeared, when I felt like crap, I'd speak to people, either about how I felt or about other things to make me forget about my feelings. I am still struggling with it, but I haven't done it in maybe around a month, and hopefully it'll stay this way. It gets really hard at times, but I have to stay strong, right? Just like you guys have to.

Stay strong,
You're beautiful.
♥

                                                          

Dear teenager,

Have you ever laid on your bed at night, and just cried? Cried because you’re ugly. Cried because you’re not good enough. Cried because you’ll never be. Cried because you counted your flaws from head to toe to punish yourself and feel worse about yourself. Cried because the comments people blurt out actually hurt your feelings. Cried because your family is dysfunctional. You don’t want to be a burden, so you bottled it all up. Around people, you’re the happiest ray of sunshine. But nobody knows, that at night when you’re alone, you break down and just cry.

It is the sad, true story of every teenager’s life. But why? Why can’t we all feel good about ourselves? Why can’t people be more understanding? Why is everything so complicated? Why are we never good enough? Why can’t we make everyone happy? Why can’t everything go smoothly?
The truth is, you, yes YOU, are beautiful, you are stunning, inside and out. Why? Because you are YOU. You may not be perfect, but in the end, who is? The answer? NOBODY. You mean the world to at least one person in this world, your mother, father, uncle, aunt, brother, sister, grandfather, grandmother, friend, teacher, neighbour or even someone you don’t even know exists! There will always be somebody there for you if you just give them a chance, and open your heart to them. You will be surprised at how understanding and nice people can be. You will realise that there is always someone going through exactly what you are going through, there will always be somebody there for you, beautiful, stunning you. I know that I will always be there for anyone of you. ANYONE!

 The person you are going to marry is probably walking the earth right now, they will love and cherish you, surely, that’s a reason to make you smile and keep fighting through all life’s obstacles.

Do you ever look at a picture of yourself and see a stranger in the background? It makes you wonder how many strangers have pictures of you. How many moments of other people’s life have we been in. Were we a part of someone’s life when their dream came true, or when their dream died? Did we keep trying to get in? As if we were somehow destined to be there or did the shot take us by surprise? Just think that you could be in a big part of someone else’s life, and not even know it.

You are beautiful, you are special, you are perfect for somebody, perfect in somebody’s eyes. Haters are out there to put you down, don’t let them get to you, life will teach them a lesson, and when that time comes, boy will they regret everything they have done.

Don’t underestimate anyone. Never. Everyone deserves a chance, a second chance, why not even a third chance? Be good to people, they will be good to you!

Stay strong. ♥