"I attempted suicide five times."

I am starting up a new Stay Strong Project, where I'm going to be interviewing a bunch of incredibly strong and inspiring people, and sharing their stories with you. Nothing is more inspiring or motivating than real life stories about real people. Just to show you that you're not alone. There is always someone out there who gets exactly what you're going through.

Before we get started, I just want to send out a huge apology for not updating my blog in SO long. It's been nearly 5 months. There is no valid excuse for my laziness and lack of motivation but in my defense, I have been super busy with my engagement and then my exams and then so many other family issues and god knows what else. I will try my best to get back into a routine and keep you all happy while actually writing something worthwhile that hopefully reaches out to everyone struggling and gives them hope or puts a smile on their face.

This is such an inspirational story about such a beautiful 18 year old. I am so excited to share this interview with you.

Hello, thank you so much for willing to do this and help out with this project to inspire so many people. 

Hi! Thanks for letting me be a part  of this amazing project. I am here to share my own experience with bullying and other issues. 

My name is Aines. I am 18, and this is my senior year. I can't say bullying is over for me because it's not, but I am trying to fight back and most importantly STAY STRONG through it all. 

When did the bullying start?

I guess bullying started when i was about 8 years old, at school. I was bullied and tormented throughout most of my school days. 

Did you know why people were bullying you? 

You name it, I got bullied for it. Being one of the smart kids, being poor, not having nice clothes or my own car when I turned 15. I just didn't fit in with the other girls. I never did.

Were you physically or mentally bullied? 

I was beaten up, called names, made fun of, ostracized from most of my peers and was just made to feel like an outcast.

How did the bullying effect you?

They pushed me on lockers, laughed at me, hit me. It made me hate my life and myself. I wanted to just dissapear. I felt worthless, so I started cutting myself and I eventually became depressed..... Until Justin (Bieber) came along. He made me smile and just forget about the bullies. From his music, his interviews, his tweets, he somehow made me realize that there is some hope somewhere out there. He & his beliebers (Justin Bieber's enormous fanbase)  helped me stop cutting, and so did Bring Me The Horizon because Oli sykes always told us that we need to just let it out and remember that bullies are just haters and we can move on and fight back!

Did you stand up for yourself when you got bullied?
It's not that I didn't fight back. I can fight, In fact, I got into four fights in one school year, all on defending myself. However, I had to start fighting off of school grounds because all of this fighting was not looking good on my school record.

Did you ever mention the bullying to your parents or teachers? If yes, have they done something about it?
Yes, I did mention bullying to my parents, but they said you will move on and you will grow up.

How has your depression effected your life?
After I started cutting myself, I started getting more and more depressed and that was hard. It still is. I couldn't even go out. I didn't want to do anything or even see anyone. It's awful.
 What caused you to first attempt suicide? What was going on through your mind?

Some girls sent me an evil letter, telling me I am stupid, and worthless, and that I should die and just give up and kill myself.

That got to me. It pushed me over the edge. I couldn't stop crying for 3 hours straight. Then I got a blade out and cut my left wrist, hoping to bleed to death. I was rushed into the ER, and somehow, I was saved. I tried again. I tried to kill myself five times. 

How do you feel about those bullies today?

I'm not the type to hold a grudge. I'm very forgiving, and I'm cool with many of the folks that bullied me. Many of them have apologized to me and my mother for making my childhood hard. There is no weakness in forgiveness.

Do you have anything or anyone who helps you when you're down?
My faith in God, plus my strong willed nature and Beliebers' support have helped me to overcome my demons from the past. When Justin (Bieber) came along. He made me smile and just forget about the bullies. From his music, his interviews, his tweets, he somehow made me realize that there is some hope somewhere out there. He & his beliebers (Justin Bieber's enormous fanbase)  helped me stop cutting, and so did Bring Me The Horizon because Oli sykes always told us that we need to just let it out and remember that bullies are just haters and we can move on and fight back!

Would you say everything you've been through had made you a better person?
You have to move on, and not let bad moments turn you into a monster. I feel I became a better man as a result of my experiences. It all taught me a lot.

How are you feeling today?

I appreciate everything I have accomplished in life because I have earned it. I could have taken a left turn and ended up dead. But instead, I am a positive, educated, productive member of my society, and I am proud of who I am. Life is full of choices and I was determined at a young age that these mean children were not going to get the best of me. They all most did. But today, they motivate me and continue to do so to this day. 

What advice would you give people who are going through similar troubles as you?

Defend yourself. Stand strong and don't back down. Try to refrain from weapons if possible. Take up boxing or MMA at your local Y, gym, or join a self-defense class. Find an adult you trust to help. This can be a parent, guardian, teacher, coach, pastor or even a positive mentor. Let's end bullying once and for all.

If you want to directly contact Aines, you can find her on twitter: @crownthebiebz. 

Thank you for reading. If you want to submit your story or get interviewed, email me: staystrongyall@hotmail.com or leave your email in the comment section bellow and I will get back to you. 

Stay strong,
You're beautiful, and you better start believing it.
♥

25 reasons why you shouldn't end your life.

Suicide. That constant act on your mind, debating whether to do it, planning on when to do it, or already writing your suicide note? Thinking how much your life sucks? How you don't want to cry yourself to sleep every night anymore? How you don't want to be bullied everyday? How you're sick of hearing your parents fight? How you're afraid of that abuser coming back and hurting you? How you're tired of feeling lonely? How you wish you had real friends? How you wish you had better grades? How you wish you were pretty, thin and good enough? Please just stop. Or at least, reevaluate your thoughts after reading all these reasons to not end your life: 

1. It probably isn't as bad as you make it out to be. Over-thinking things make them seem a billion times worse. Try talking them out with someone and see how simple or stupid your problems may be.
2. Think about those poor, starving children or those cancer patients fighting for their lives, or those people who lost everything in a natural disaster yet refuse to break down and still fight for a good life.
3. Appreciate what you have instead of glooming over what you don't have. Your life isn't perfect. My life isn't perfect. Nobody's life is perfect. It's not only you.
4. You are certainly not alone. There are millions of people who struggle with the same thoughts as you on a daily basis and fight those thoughts away. If they can do it, then so can you.
5. You are good enough. You are pretty enough. You are clever enough. You are talented enough. You are strong enough. You can make your dreams come true. You can have a better life. You can not cry yourself to sleep every night. You can wake up feeling happy. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that every single day. You'll believe it eventually, I promise.
6. Those haters and bullies want to see you down. Don't let them feel happy with you breaking down. Stay strong. 
7. Stay strong just for that special one special in your life that you wake up everyday to see.
8. Everyday is a new day. Being depressed over the past won't change anything. Forget the past. Live for today, and the future will be so much better.
9. Death is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. 
10. Don't hurt all of your loved ones. You killing yourself will have unimaginable effects on them forever. They don't deserve to have their lives ruined because you decided to end your life. They will blame themselves no matter what your suicide note says. They will live forever miserable, angry, hurt and all asking that one question: why? 
11. Ice-cream tastes good.
12. Whatever you're going through will not last forever. Nothing ever does. Stay strong and wait for things to get better. 
13. Imagine missing out on everything.... Growing up, meeting new people, having new chances, making new memories with your loved ones.
14. What about the person who finds you dead? Think about how they'd feel. Would you really want to put them through such horror?
15. You were brought into this world for a reason. So LIVE!
16. Never seeing a new day, rain, sunshine, snow, children laughing, a rainbow again.
17. Never being able to grow up more and make those haters realise that they were wrong all along. Work hard and come out more successful, happier and healthier than them. 
18. Your life has a value whether you see it or not. Please don't end it.
19. Missing out on all your favourite artists releasing new work.
20. Missing out on those first dates... Those butterflies, taking a billion breath-mints.... all for that one special person.
21. There is always somebody out there who wants you to live and can't imagine life without you.
22. All that yummy food you will never be able to eat. 
23. Seeing the iPhone 6! 
24. You'll never watch the next episode of your favourite show, and you'll never see your favourite movie again.
25. Once you kill yourself, you're gone. Finished. Bye bye. No one can bring you back. You'll never be able to try out the things you wanted, see places you wanted to see, meet new people, chase after your dreams, make new memories with the people you love. 

Please think about it properly. Do you really want to end everything? We all want to end all that pain and the hurt. But life also has those good little things in them. If you think about it properly, you'll be able to see all of those amazing little details about your life that you never noticed before. Life is so damn good no matter how much pain you're going through at this moment. Slap some sense into yourself and stop moping around. There are people who would do anything to have your life. Some people have absolutely nothing in their lives, yet they still find a reason to smile and a reason to fight harder for a better life. You have family, you have friends, you have a home, you have clothes to wear, you have food to eat, appreciate that for a change. Take a moment out of your day to reflect on your happy memories and all of the blessings that you have been blessed with and then hopefully, you will feel different about ending your own beautiful life.

No matter how many mistakes you have made, appologise, buy the person you hurt a gift. If they forgive you, then great! If they don't, then that is there problem. You have done what you can and that's what matters. We all make mistakes, don't constantly punish yourself for being human.

Stay strong,
You're so beautiful.
I promise.
♥

Feeling suicidal?

"Wanna kill yourself? Imagine this:

    You come home from school one day. You’ve had yet another horrible day. You’re just ready to give up. So you go to your room, close the door, and take out that suicide note you’ve written and rewritten over and over and over. You take out those razor blades, and cut for the very last time. You grab that bottle of pills and take them all. Laying down, holding the

 letter to your chest, you close your eyes for the very last time. 

    A few hours later, your little brother knocks on your door to come tell you dinners ready. You don’t answer, so he walks in. All he sees is you laying on your bed, so he thinks you’re asleep. He tells your mom this. Your mom goes to your room to wake you up. She notices something is odd. She grabs the paper in your hand and reads it. Sobbing, she tries to wake you up. She’s screaming your name. Your brother, so confused, runs to go tell Dad that “Mommy is crying and sissy won’t wake up.” Your dad runs to your room. He looks at your mom, crying, holding the letter to her chest, sitting next to your lifeless body. It hits him, what’s going on, and he screams. He screams and throws something at the wall. And then, falling to his knees, he starts to cry. Your mom crawls over to him, and they sit there, holding each other, crying. 

    The next day at school, there’s an announcement. The principal tells everyone about your suicide. It takes a few seconds for it to sink in, and once it does, everyone goes silent. Everyone blames themselves. Your teachers think they were too hard on you. Those mean popular girls, they think of all the things they’ve said to you. That boy that used to tease you and call you names, he can’t help but hate himself for never telling you how beautiful you really are. Your ex boyfriend, the one that you told everything to, that broke up with you.. He can’t handle it. He breaks down and starts crying, and runs out of the school. 

   Your friends? They’re sobbing too, wondering how they could never see that anything was wrong, wishing they could have helped you before it was too late. And your best friend? She’s in shock. She can’t believe it. She knew what you were going through, but she never thought it would get that bad… Bad enough for you to end it. She can’t cry, she can’t feel anything. She stands up, walks out of the classroom, and just sinks to the floor. Shaking, screaming, but no tears coming out. 

   It’s a few days later, at your funeral. The whole town came. Everyone knew you, that girl with the bright smile and bubbly personality. The one that was always there for them, the shoulder to cry on. Lots of people talk about all the good memories they had with you, there were a lot. Everyone’s crying, your little brother still doesn’t know you killed yourself, he’s too young. Your parents just said you died. It hurts him, a lot. You were his big sister, you were supposed to always be there for him. Your best friend, she stays strong through the entire service, but as soon as they start lowering your casket into the ground, she just loses it. She cries and cries and doesn’t stop for days. 

It’s two years later. The whole school talks to a counselor/therapist at least once a week. Your teachers all quit their job. Those mean girls have eating disorders now. That boy that used to tease you cuts himself. Your ex boyfriend doesn’t know how to love anymore and just sleeps around with girls. Your friends all go into depression. Your best friend? She tried to kill herself. She didn’t succeed like you did, but she tried…your brother? He finally found out the truth about your death. He self harms, he cries at night, he does exactly what you did for years leading up to your suicide. Your parents? Their marriage fell apart. Your dad became a workaholic to distract himself from your death. Your mom got diagnosed with depression and just lays in bed all day. 

People care. You may not think so, but they do. Your choices don’t just effect you. They effect everyone. Don’t end your life, you have so much to live for. Things can’t get better if you give up. I’m here for absolutely anyone that needs to talk, no matter who you are. Even if we’ve NEVER talked before, I’m here for you."

Stay strong,

You're beautiful.

♥

Cyberbullying!

Almost all teenagers today use the Internet. It's a huge part of their lives. Sadly, it isn't a perfect place to be. Things such as cyber bullying occur and it can get to the point where the victim ends their life. Perfect example? Amanda Todd.


"Cyberbullying" is when a child, preteen or teen is tormented, threatened, harassed, humiliated, embarrassed or otherwise targeted by another child, preteen or teen using the Internet, interactive and digital technologies or mobile phones. It has to have a minor on both sides, or at least have been instigated by a minor against another minor. Once adults become involved, it is plain and simple cyber-harassment or cyberstalking. Adult cyber-harassment or cyberstalking is NEVER called cyberbullying.

Cyberbullying can sometimes be worse than bullying at school, because these comments or posts are always there for everyone to see. These words constantly haunt the victim, and causes them a lot of emotional trauma. They feel sad, humiliated, embarrassed, angry, scared and hurt. People say that words don't hurt, but that's untrue. All it takes is one hurtful word to slip out that brings someone's self-esteem crashing down. Yet, it takes hundreds, if not thousands of compliments to bring their self-esteem back up. And no one deserves to suffer from having such low-esteem to the point that they feel like they don't belong, that they aren't loved nor wanted, they might even get suicidal thoughts. Then what if they act upon these thoughts successfully and commit suicide? How would you be able to live with yourself? It's easier to keep these comments to yourself no matter what you think of that person. No matter how they dress, how they look, what they believe in, whether they're straight, bisexual, gay, over weight, have bad grades, are single, no longer virgins, going out with your ex... You have no right to insult them or put them down. It's their life, their decisions. You might not think it's right, hell, they might even not think it's right either, so they probably torment themselves about these decisions enough for you to do it too! Just let them be.

It's hard to ignore these hurtful comments. I've been called a whore, ugly, a terrorist, stupid, fat, constantly bullied and picked on because of my decisions. At first, I stayed strong and these words didn't effect me, yet, they kept coming and coming and coming and at some point they started hurting me. I'd read someone's comment, and I feel like someone just punched me straight in the face or a truck hit me. But then I pulled myself together and became determined to stay strong and defend myself so I would kindly respond to their messages by saying something clever but not insulting (kill 'em with kindness! Don't bully them in return.) The things I was sent came from anonymous people, so I could even block them! I then decided to just delete that account and move on. It was an ask.fm account. Then I just had to work on bringing my self-esteem back up which wasn't easy! But, I'm getting there.

If you're cyberbullied, I highly suggest you speak to someone about it, not necessarily reporting it (you can if it's threats) but just let someone know what's going on because you need support through this. Preferably, speak to your friend/partner about it, as parents tend to focus on the bad language more than how the comments effect you. But, if you feel like you can talk to your parents about it, then go ahead. It's good for them to be aware of what's going on in your life. Just try and explain how these comments are effecting you if they don't seem understanding at first. If you can't talk to them, or can't talk to a friend or whoever for whatever reason, then contact me! I'm here for you.

You should also delete these comments if possible, if not, just report them online (you can usually do that on sites like twitter, facebook, tumblr... ect) also if they're your "friend" on facebook or wherever, block and delete them. People who bring you down don't deserve to be in your life, and you certainly don't need such horrid people in yours either! If these comments become threatening, depending on where you live, you should be able to report it to the police. Don't be afraid, do it! These people will stop.

Try not to let these comments effect you, most people cyberbully to feel like they've got power, or to seem 'cool', or they're just jealous of you and they want to bring you down! Don't let them achieve what they want. Come out of this stronger and smile. Show them that their comments don't and never will effect you negatively. Focus on the positive side of this: it will all make you a stronger person. :)

Stay strong,
You're beautiful.
♥