It Isn't Your Fault.

I got a comment from somebody Anonymous yesterday, and as I started to reply, I decided to write up a post instead. Because a little comment wasn't enough. And because so many people struggle with similar issues like this one.

Before I start, can I just say that no matter who you are, where you come from, how old you are, what you've done, or if you're a boy or a girl. Your welcome here.
I've noticed that people assume these issues are something girls go through. Boys have feelings too. It's okay to be upset. To love. To cry. To struggle with something. All you boys out there are more than welcome here.

We all have bad days. We all struggle with something every now and again. Whether it's parents divorcing, friends turning on you, bad accidents... You get the idea. It isn't your fault. No matter how you act, how angry or happy you make your parents, if they aren't happy together, they will divorce. But it has nothing to do with you. You can't blame yourself. They just weren't happy together anymore.

It's the same thing with loosing your friends. If you know you made a mistake and you can identify it, then apologise to them, and try to gain their trust again. But if you guys just don't get along anymore, don't blame yourself. People change, they mature and grow. They develop different ideas about things. They start wanting different things from life. They start having different goals. Then you maybe won't have anything in common anymore and just don't see a future for your friendship. Some friendships survive a lot, but others don't. If a friendship ends like this, don't blame yourself and feel guilty. Don't let it bring you or your confidence down. There are billions of people on this planet. Are you trying to tell me that you won't find one good, loyal friend out of billions? Go out, smile, be friendly. Meet new people. Just remember to be yourself. You will meet idiots. But you will meet good people too. Meeting idiots means you learn how to deal with them and cut them out of your life. Meeting good people means, hopefully, a start of a healthy friendship. Take a risk!

If you have fake friends who constantly put you down, cut the friendship. In my opinion, this is a form of bullying. Friends aren't meant to make you feel bad about yourself. It's called a toxic friendship. End it! You deserve good friends. People who love you for who you are. People you can trust. People you can talk to about anything. People you can laugh with. People who you're comfortable being yourself around. People who won't judge you. People who have your back no matter what. That's what friendship is about. And you deserve a proper friendship. Don't try arguing with me about that. No matter who you are, no matter what you have done, you deserve another chance. You deserve your own shot at happiness. You deserve good friends. It's okay to be happy and let life look up for you. No one deserves to be unhappy.

Loosing someone you love, seeing someone you love get hurt, witnessing a car accident, or anything like that, please know that it isn't your fault. Don't go around blaming yourself.
"If only I did this.." "If only I was a few minutes early, this wouldn't have happened..."
STOP THOSE THOUGHTS.
I honestly believe that everything happens for a reason. No matter how shitty life can get. And how horrible things happen everyday. I honestly believe that there is good in every horrible thing that happened. Anyone can teach themselves to look at the positive things in life. Looking at the negative, you will be unhappy. And to be happy again, you have to change. It's okay to be sad and to cry. But it's not okay to be sad and to cry all the time. Take your time to mourn, to be sad, to cry, to let your feelings out. Then wipe away those tears, tell yourself that you're strong enough to get through this, put a smile on your face and look at the positive thing from your situation. If you can't, focus on life's positive sides.

I'll leave you guys with a beautiful quote:
"The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they find the best in everything they have."
Think about it.

Stay strong.
♥

"I attempted suicide five times."

I am starting up a new Stay Strong Project, where I'm going to be interviewing a bunch of incredibly strong and inspiring people, and sharing their stories with you. Nothing is more inspiring or motivating than real life stories about real people. Just to show you that you're not alone. There is always someone out there who gets exactly what you're going through.

Before we get started, I just want to send out a huge apology for not updating my blog in SO long. It's been nearly 5 months. There is no valid excuse for my laziness and lack of motivation but in my defense, I have been super busy with my engagement and then my exams and then so many other family issues and god knows what else. I will try my best to get back into a routine and keep you all happy while actually writing something worthwhile that hopefully reaches out to everyone struggling and gives them hope or puts a smile on their face.

This is such an inspirational story about such a beautiful 18 year old. I am so excited to share this interview with you.

Hello, thank you so much for willing to do this and help out with this project to inspire so many people. 

Hi! Thanks for letting me be a part  of this amazing project. I am here to share my own experience with bullying and other issues. 

My name is Aines. I am 18, and this is my senior year. I can't say bullying is over for me because it's not, but I am trying to fight back and most importantly STAY STRONG through it all. 

When did the bullying start?

I guess bullying started when i was about 8 years old, at school. I was bullied and tormented throughout most of my school days. 

Did you know why people were bullying you? 

You name it, I got bullied for it. Being one of the smart kids, being poor, not having nice clothes or my own car when I turned 15. I just didn't fit in with the other girls. I never did.

Were you physically or mentally bullied? 

I was beaten up, called names, made fun of, ostracized from most of my peers and was just made to feel like an outcast.

How did the bullying effect you?

They pushed me on lockers, laughed at me, hit me. It made me hate my life and myself. I wanted to just dissapear. I felt worthless, so I started cutting myself and I eventually became depressed..... Until Justin (Bieber) came along. He made me smile and just forget about the bullies. From his music, his interviews, his tweets, he somehow made me realize that there is some hope somewhere out there. He & his beliebers (Justin Bieber's enormous fanbase)  helped me stop cutting, and so did Bring Me The Horizon because Oli sykes always told us that we need to just let it out and remember that bullies are just haters and we can move on and fight back!

Did you stand up for yourself when you got bullied?
It's not that I didn't fight back. I can fight, In fact, I got into four fights in one school year, all on defending myself. However, I had to start fighting off of school grounds because all of this fighting was not looking good on my school record.

Did you ever mention the bullying to your parents or teachers? If yes, have they done something about it?
Yes, I did mention bullying to my parents, but they said you will move on and you will grow up.

How has your depression effected your life?
After I started cutting myself, I started getting more and more depressed and that was hard. It still is. I couldn't even go out. I didn't want to do anything or even see anyone. It's awful.
 What caused you to first attempt suicide? What was going on through your mind?

Some girls sent me an evil letter, telling me I am stupid, and worthless, and that I should die and just give up and kill myself.

That got to me. It pushed me over the edge. I couldn't stop crying for 3 hours straight. Then I got a blade out and cut my left wrist, hoping to bleed to death. I was rushed into the ER, and somehow, I was saved. I tried again. I tried to kill myself five times. 

How do you feel about those bullies today?

I'm not the type to hold a grudge. I'm very forgiving, and I'm cool with many of the folks that bullied me. Many of them have apologized to me and my mother for making my childhood hard. There is no weakness in forgiveness.

Do you have anything or anyone who helps you when you're down?
My faith in God, plus my strong willed nature and Beliebers' support have helped me to overcome my demons from the past. When Justin (Bieber) came along. He made me smile and just forget about the bullies. From his music, his interviews, his tweets, he somehow made me realize that there is some hope somewhere out there. He & his beliebers (Justin Bieber's enormous fanbase)  helped me stop cutting, and so did Bring Me The Horizon because Oli sykes always told us that we need to just let it out and remember that bullies are just haters and we can move on and fight back!

Would you say everything you've been through had made you a better person?
You have to move on, and not let bad moments turn you into a monster. I feel I became a better man as a result of my experiences. It all taught me a lot.

How are you feeling today?

I appreciate everything I have accomplished in life because I have earned it. I could have taken a left turn and ended up dead. But instead, I am a positive, educated, productive member of my society, and I am proud of who I am. Life is full of choices and I was determined at a young age that these mean children were not going to get the best of me. They all most did. But today, they motivate me and continue to do so to this day. 

What advice would you give people who are going through similar troubles as you?

Defend yourself. Stand strong and don't back down. Try to refrain from weapons if possible. Take up boxing or MMA at your local Y, gym, or join a self-defense class. Find an adult you trust to help. This can be a parent, guardian, teacher, coach, pastor or even a positive mentor. Let's end bullying once and for all.

If you want to directly contact Aines, you can find her on twitter: @crownthebiebz. 

Thank you for reading. If you want to submit your story or get interviewed, email me: staystrongyall@hotmail.com or leave your email in the comment section bellow and I will get back to you. 

Stay strong,
You're beautiful, and you better start believing it.
♥

Depressed?

"Look up to the sky. This will work well today because the sky is blue. Can you hear the birds singing? Well this is your planet. Whether you believe in God or not it’s pretty flipping brilliant. 
Every time you see something bad, blink again and see something amazing. So, for example: it’s raining. That water has been around since the beginning of time. Those atoms have shifted and changed formation but has been in existence since forever. They’ve seen so many lives and been digested by so many people. And so have you. You are made up of the atoms from stars. 
You are a marvel of fate or chance or whatever you believe in. Trillions of cells make up your body each containing a recipe for you that is unique to anything the world has ever seen. 
You could feel this makes you insignificant, and it does in the scene of things but actually it make you important. You are part of all this whether you like it or not. You’re destined to exist and if any one person is not here the whole world shifts because we all affect each other.
Remember half of you was the winning sperm and no-one can ever take that way from you, not this illness, not anyone. You are YOU. 
You have a brain and most importantly the most amazing thing created so far. Consciousness. 
You’re beautiful, intelligent and you have everything going for you. The world can be yours if you reach out and grab it.
Now smile, you’re ALIVE. And I believe that the purpose of being alive is to be happy and for those around you to be. So as long as anyone is conscious they can be happy because there will always be something to smile about – you’re able to think that. 
So you look at that sky and you say wow."

Stay strong,
I promise, you're beautiful.
♥

How can I stay strong?

Everyone tells others to stay strong when they are going through a hard time. It seems like the typical thing to say now, especially between teenagers, but when I go through a hard time and people tell me to stay strong, I would sometimes think, "How can I stay strong, huh? It's easier said than done." Yes, it is.

Well, after years of pain, hardships, nightmares, tears and more pain (lol, i sound like a freaking 99 year old or something) I have reached the grand age of 16, when I'm wise enough to put together a few tips on how to stay strong.

1. Cry: this sounds a little ironic because staying strong shouldn't mean crying and being "weak"... Crying usually says that we have been strong for too long. We are humans, the first step into becoming strong is just breaking down and crying it all out. Whether it's a few minutes or a few hours, just sit down, play a good emotional song, and just weep, sob, wail, scream... do the whole thing. Let all that anger, pain and frustration out. 
2. Why should I stay strong? You can't stay strong through all of those hard times without knowing why you're staying strong. I can't tell you what the reasons are that you want to stay strong, because we are all different and we all have different lives, different stories and different reasons! But on a more general note: we all have a future, we are all going to graduate, move out of our parents' house, and then, all of those problems you had at school and home will be so stupid and so distant. You will have a new chance to have a different life. Everyday is a new chance in my opinion, but moving out/graduating is a whole different thing. It's where you're out there meeting new people, living with different ones, seeing different ones everyday. You won't be stuck in school with your bullies forever, you won't be imprisoned with your abusive brother forever, you won't be scared by that creepy neighbour forever. Everything ends. And you're staying strong, waiting for your problems to end where you can have a new start. Your problems will be solved, your issues will end. You don't even have to wait until you can move away from your problems, you can deal with them, face them and try to terminate them for good. 
3. Accept what you're going through: whether you deserve it or not, whether your brought it on yourself or not, it is important to accept who you are, what is happening, what you are going through. This is life, don't expect it to be perfect. It can't be. And it would probably be boring anyway if it was. Just smile, and accept that you're going through problems. I've noticed that once I accept what I'm going through, it suddenly changes for the better.
4. Physical strength: If you get insulted or hear things that bring you down, then make your muscles tense, that makes you feel strong physically and help you feel strong mentally.
5. Accept your emotions: acknowledge your emotions and accept them. This will help you change your emotions into happier ones that help you to stay strong. 
6. Do the opposite of what your emotions tell you to think: this makes you stronger emotionally.
7. Laugh: whether you want to look something funny up, or just lie down and laugh for no reason. When I went to school, in 10th grade, our arabic teacher once cleared all the desks, put a little mat on the floor, told all the students to lay down our heads together to form a sort of circle, turned the lights off, then he'd crack a stupid joke and we'd all start laughing, and trust me, once one started, everyone joined in. We laughed for AGES. And let me tell you, we felt happy, relaxed and strong for like weeks afterwards. You should really try it out with your friends.

And just smile. Make the most of every day you have. Be grateful for what you have, some people would do anything to get an extra day where they're healthy, surrounded by their family and actually have a home. There is always somebody going through MUCH worse than you are, so just take a moment and feel happy, proud for who you are and grateful for what you have instead of focusing on what you don't have.

Remember, I'm always here for you. 

Stay strong,

You're beautiful.

♥

Dealing with bullying.

"Nobody loves you, you may as well just kill yourself." "You're so fat, how can you even walk?" "You're too skinny, are you anorexic? Do you even eat?" 

Bullying. That dreadful behaviour that is such a common, wide-spread issue happening in schools everyday, all over the world.

Bullying has many forms, it can be verbal (when people insult you), psychological (spreading rumours about you, gossiping about you..etc) and physical (when you get pushed, tripped, punched, hit, beaten up, and in some cases, even sexually assaulted). It happens with both children and teenagers, and usually happens in schools. 

Bullying is an issue that should be taken more seriously. When a child speaks about being bullied to his/her parents (and that is rare), the parents don't class it as a serious issue, and just tell their children to stand up for themselves or to ignore it. Unfortunately, dealing with bullying isn't simple as that. Parents should support their children, investigate into this bullying, talk to the teachers/principal/parents of the bully, try and end this.

How to deal with bullying:

It is hard to deal with being bullied. Most people usually say to just ignore, but honestly, you shouldn't ignore it, you should face it, deal with it and try to stop it. Here's a few steps:

• If you are bullied: don't be afraid to report the bullies to your teachers or the principal. Talk to your parents about it, explain to them what these people do/say and how it effects you. Your parents/teachers can't help unless you tell them about it. It also helps talking to your friends, or anyone else about it. Bottling up your emotions and feelings, and keeping everything to yourself has a bad effect on you. If you can, stand up to these bullies. If you show them that they don't effect you, they will back off. Bullies love seeing a reaction, whether is fear, sadness, hurt... that's what they're looking for. Don't let them see how their words or actions effect you.
• If you know someone who is bullied: whether it's your friend, your neighbour, your class-mate, your cousin... It's always great to stand up for them if you see them being bullied. It might be an easy thing for you, especially if you are confident or able to stand up to those bullies, but it helps tremendously the bullied. Encourage them to talk about it, and report it or try to stand up for themselves. (Basically tell them what I have put above to the people who are bullied).
• If your child is bullied: support them emotionally, be there for them, make them know how much you love them, and that they're great, special, important individuals. It's also important to talk to the teachers and even contact the parents of the bully. If it doesn't stop, don't give up. I know parents who have moved towns to get their kid into a better school because they were bullied in their previous ones. As a parent, your child will expect you to protect them, so it's your duty to stop the bullying and help your child deal with it. Encourage them to speak up and defend themselves. Don't be harsh on them, try to understand what they're going through. Being bullied can have a permanent, negative effect on your child's life. It must be stopped and dealt with in the correct manner.

Being bullied can lead to mental issues such as depression, anxiety, eating disorders, self-harm disorders, and  low-self esteem, lack of confidence, insecurity. It can even lead to suicide. Proof: Amanda Todd.
No matter what a person does or looks like, no body deserves to be bullied. No one.

Bullies are most likely to have a criminal record and end up in prison when older. They are the kind of people who somehow enjoy hurting people and putting them down. Some do it because of a previous, damaging experience, and some do it to hide their lack of confidence, low self-esteem and the weakness. They do it to feel powerful and somehow get respect from others. It is important for teachers/parents to make the bully understand that bullying is wrong and doesn't help them. If they think that the bully has mental issues, he should get treated. I'm not saying don't punish the bully and just be kind on them. It depends on the type of bully and why they do that. Some bullies need help, some need to be punished, and it's up the parent/guardian to determine what to do to the bully and how to stop him bullying others.

People need to realise that no matter whether they're skinny, fat, medium, curvy, white, black, Asian, gay, straight, bisexual, pretty, "ugly"... or whatever, they are humans, they don't deserve to be put down for what they have or what they don't have. We are all humans, we all deserve to feel smart, happy, confident. We all deserve to be loved. Non of us deserve to be bullied. We are all different. Don't change yourself to fit in with society's rules. Be yourself and embrace yourself for who you are, because that's you, that's what makes you beautiful, unique and special. Not everyone might see your good qualities (yes, you DO have some brilliant qualities), but that doesn't mean you don't have any. People will start to notice if you embrace yourself and feel proud of yourself and who you are.

"You are born original, don't die a copy."

Remember, I'm always here for you if you want to talk or need help or advice. Just contact me, okay?

Stay strong,
You're beautiful.
♥

Inspirational stories.

I've been working on a few blog posts that involve bullying, suicide, dealing with people, boosting your confidence and much more. It's taking a while because I want all my posts to be perfect, or close to perfect. So, I've decided to share with you a few inspirational stories about troubled teenagers recovering and growing into great adults!

Danielle's Struggle to Find Acceptance

Danielle grew up in a household where her parents were heavy drug users and alcoholics. Strangers came in and out of the house at all hours of the night. One night, a man came into Danielle's room and raped her. She was 13. She told her parents, who dismissed it, saying that she must have just had a nightmare. Danielle decided to run away from home and become a member of a popular gang in the community.She became very close to these people and admired them. They weren't the best role models for her, but she figured they cared more about her than her own parents. She felt that she'd better do what they wanted, or they might turn their backs on her too. She began stealing, assaulting people, and using drugs and alcohol. Shortly after, she ended up spending five years in a juvenile detention center for her crimes.While there, she started therapy and found a religion that she found comfort in. She learned why she joined the gang and how her life spiraled out of control. By the time her sentence was up, she was a public speaker and a peer mentor to some of the younger detainees. After her release, she attended college and became a child psychologist.

Amanda's Search for Real Love

When Amanda was seven years old, her father left her mother. This devastated her mother, and she began drinking heavily. One night, her mother went to jail for several DUIs and other charges. The court decided she was an unfit mother, and since there was no other family available to take care of Amanda, she went into the foster care system.
At first, it was great, because she finally was able to be a part of a family that really cared about her, or so she thought. A couple weeks after she moved in, her foster parents decided that it wasn't going to work, so Amanda was sent to another home. The second home wasn't as nice as the first one, but they took care of her better than her mother did. However, after three weeks, the agency determined that the foster home was not appropriate for foster care and Amanda went somewhere else. At her third foster home, she once again found a loving family. She stayed for four months and she finally thought she had found her home - that is until the family decided not to participate in foster care any longer.
By the sixth home, Amanda convinced herself that no one wanted her in this world. To alleviate those feelings, she started to dress in a way that would gain her a lot of attention and she would accept whatever affection she could get. This meant that she was highly promiscuous and put herself at risk for STDs and pregnancy. Actually, she said that she didn't care if she got pregnant because she wouldn't mind having a little baby to hold, cuddle, and love.
About a year later, Amanda did become pregnant, and the father didn't want anything to do with the baby. She was 15 and expecting a child. Since her foster parents weren't equipped to care for a baby, she was once again sent to another foster home. Not only did she bounce from home to home, her baby ended up having the same fate - that is until she finally found the one family that accepted her for who she was.
Because of this family's commitment, care, and love for Amanda, she was able to finish high school and attend college. It wasn't easy. She had to work two jobs, pay for childcare, and do her coursework, while taking care of her child. All the hard work paid off. She ended up graduating with a business degree and is the childcare director of a day care center.

Jessica's Rebellion Against Authority

Jessica came from a loving, affluent home. The only problem was that Jessica never felt good enough. Her parents wanted her to be the best at everything, and they wanted her to consider them her best friends. When Jessica reached adolescence, she decided that she could not take her parent's demands any longer and did everything she could to go against her parents' wishes, which included joining the wrong crowd, drinking, using drugs, and committing crimes. Her parents had no idea what had gotten into her and feared for her future. Jessica didn't care that she was headed down a bleak path. Her parents signed her up for a wilderness camp.
The wilderness camp involved vigorous activities and many scare straight tactics. Jessica was reminded everyday that if she didn't shape up, she would end up suffering consequences much worse in jail or prison. Once the camp was over, Jessica went home as a completely different and new individual. Her parents understand where they went wrong through family counseling, and they were as happy to have their daughter back as Jessica was to be back.

Stay strong, 

You're so beautiful.

♥

Trichotillomania (Hair-pulling disorder)

What is Trichotillomania?

Trichotillomania (trik-o-til-o-MAY-ne-uh) is an irresistible urge to pull out hair from your scalp, eyebrows or other areas of your body. Hair pulling from the scalp often leaves patchy bald spots, which people with trichotillomania may go to great lengths to disguise.
For some people, trichotillomania may be mild and generally manageable. For others, the urge to pull hair is overwhelming and can be accompanied by considerable distress. Some treatment options have helped many people reduce their hair pulling or stop entirely.
People with trichotillomania pull hair out at the root from places like the scalp, eyebrows, eyelashes, or pubic area. Some people pull large handfuls of hair, which can leave bald patches on the scalp or eyebrows. Other people pull out their hair one strand at a time. Some inspect the strand after pulling it out or play with the hair after it's been pulled. About half of people with the condition put the hair in their mouths after pulling it. Some people are very aware of their pulling; others seem to do it without really noticing what they're doing.

It might be hard to understand why some people would pull their own hair or eyelashes out — or why they wouldn't just stop. But trichotillomania isn't just an ordinary habit that a person can easily stop.

Trichotillomania is a type of compulsive behavior. This means that people with the condition feel an overwhelming urge to pull their hair. They also may have other compulsive habits, such as nail biting or skin picking. Some also have problems like depression, anxiety, or obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Compulsive behaviors like trichotillomania involve brain chemistry and may be genetic (meaning they can sometimes run in families).

People with trichotillomania may feel embarrassment, frustration, shame, or depression about the condition. They may worry about what others will think or say. They may feel nagged by people who don't understand that they're not doing this on purpose. They usually try to hide the behavior from others — even their families. This can make it difficult to get help.

Having trichotillomania can affect how people feel about themselves. Some are self-conscious about how hair pulling affects their appearance. Because of this, they might feel less confident about making friends or dating. Others might feel powerless to control the urge to pull or blame themselves for not being able to stop. Feelings like these can cause a person's self-image to suffer.
The causes of this disorder are unkown to medical professors today.

Treatment:

It is strongly advised to speak to a therapist about this issue. It's something very hard to stop, especially for people who do it without realising. After doing some research, and putting lots of different technique together, I've came up with this:
1. Write a diary/journal/notes on what you usually are doing/thinking when you pull your hair out. It is important to realise what makes you feel the urge to pull your own hair out.
2. Try to avoid these things, if possible. If you can't possibly avoid it (doing homework, watching tv...etc.) then while doing it, always keep yours hands occupied. Whether it's holding something, knitting, sewing, drawing. And don't put them down, tell yourself you'll pull your hair once you've finished, but then if you've finished whatever you were doing and you still feel these urges, then start something else, until these urges go away.
3. It can get very hard at times, but this behaviour isn't good for you, mentally or physically. It has to stop. And as time passes by, it gets easier and these urges will disappear or significantly reduce.
4. Talk to someone about it, family, friends, a support group. You need that emotional support. Talking about it to somebody will make you feel better. If you honestly don't know who to speak to, then please contact me.
5. If you do it as a form of self-harm, to cause yourself pain, then you can "harmlessly" hurt yourself. Try holding ice-cubes, or putting them against where you usually pull your hair out.
6. To relieve stress, instead of pulling out your hair:

• Talk to somebody about how you feel. 
• Write/type.. Rant! Write whatever you feel like writing, whether it's about why you're stressed, how you're feeling, writing always helps! No one has to see it, but if you want to show somebody, then go ahead!
• Go for a walk. Go clear your head. A walk and a good dose of fresh air greatly helps.
• Take a hot/cold shower. Depends on who you are, but taking a hot or cold shower can really help soothe and calm you. Taking a hot, relaxing bath helps too.
• Plug your earphones in, turn the volume up, and yell along to whatever you're listening to. You'll be surprised how much it helps!
• Scream into your pillow.
• Phyiscally abuse your pillow if you feel the need to do so!
• Cry. Crying isn't something to be ashamed off. It doesn't mean your weak. Keeping your emotions bottled up doesn't help at all. Cry it all out, you might get a little headache afterwards, but these tears wash away all the stress.

But please, talk to someone a doctor or therapist. It isn't something embarrassing. They deal with this kind of stuff all the time. They will be happy to help you. Don't be afraid, you'll be grateful that you did it. I promise.

Stay strong,

You're beautiful.

♥