Tuesday, January 22, 2013

We are humans

No one should feel the need to hide their emotions and feelings. Stop saying, "I'm fine." and then wondering why nobody understands you, supports you, is there for you and helps you through life's obstacles. People aren't psychic, we need to tell them how they feel for them to help us. No, it isn't attention seeking. It's just asking for help. Help we all need. We are humans. We all need help, support, attention, love and affection.

We're all walking around with those glossy eyes. "I'm just tired," we say. But you know what? It's bullshit. Yes, we are tired, but it's not all from lack of sleep. We are tired of waking up with nothing to look forward to, tired of going to bed exhausted after doing a million things we find no enjoyment in doing. We're tired of this void, this emptiness that presses down on us even though we're surrounded by dozens of people. So why can't we just say it? Humans are so afraid to look into each other's eyes and say, "I am unhappy, I am broken, I am hopeless and fallible." We've been conditioned to associate pain with weakness, sadness with coldness, loneliness with unworthiness, difference with disease, as if those feelings are contagious, as if ambivalence is something not to be felt but to be feared. Well, I say: screw all of that. Screw forces smiles and polite handshakes, and I'm fine, thank yous. Screw the fear of crying in a public place, screw the fake chipper voice, screw the lies we spit out to cover up our problems. We are humans. We are meant to feel. To feel everything and to feel it all openly. We are not metal - we are flesh and bone. Our boiled blood courses through or cold, clammy hands. We are intricate and beautiful and we should never hide our human parts, because if we do, then what's left to show?

I am here for you.
Stay strong,
You're insanely beautiful.

Monday, January 14, 2013

25 reasons why you shouldn't end your life.

Suicide. That constant act on your mind, debating whether to do it, planning on when to do it, or already writing your suicide note? Thinking how much your life sucks? How you don't want to cry yourself to sleep every night anymore? How you don't want to be bullied everyday? How you're sick of hearing your parents fight? How you're afraid of that abuser coming back and hurting you? How you're tired of feeling lonely? How you wish you had real friends? How you wish you had better grades? How you wish you were pretty, thin and good enough? Please just stop. Or at least, reevaluate your thoughts after reading all these reasons to not end your life: 

  1. It probably isn't as bad as you make it out to be. Over-thinking things make them seem a billion times worse. Try talking them out with someone and see how simple or stupid your problems may be.
  2. Think about those poor, starving children or those cancer patients fighting for their lives, or those people who lost everything in a natural disaster yet refuse to break down and still fight for a good life.
  3. Appreciate what you have instead of glooming over what you don't have. Your life isn't perfect. My life isn't perfect. Nobody's life is perfect. It's not only you.
  4. You are certainly not alone. There are millions of people who struggle with the same thoughts as you on a daily basis and fight those thoughts away. If they can do it, then so can you.
  5. You are good enough. You are pretty enough. You are clever enough. You are talented enough. You are strong enough. You can make your dreams come true. You can have a better life. You can not cry yourself to sleep every night. You can wake up feeling happy. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that every single day. You'll believe it eventually, I promise.
  6. Those haters and bullies want to see you down. Don't let them feel happy with you breaking down. Stay strong. 
  7. Stay strong just for that special one special in your life that you wake up everyday to see.
  8. Everyday is a new day. Being depressed over the past won't change anything. Forget the past. Live for today, and the future will be so much better.
  9. Death is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. 
  10. Don't hurt all of your loved ones. You killing yourself will have unimaginable effects on them forever. They don't deserve to have their lives ruined because you decided to end your life. They will blame themselves no matter what your suicide note says. They will live forever miserable, angry, hurt and all asking that one question: why? 
  11. Ice-cream tastes good.
  12. Whatever you're going through will not last forever. Nothing ever does. Stay strong and wait for things to get better. 
  13. Imagine missing out on everything.... Growing up, meeting new people, having new chances, making new memories with your loved ones.
  14. What about the person who finds you dead? Think about how they'd feel. Would you really want to put them through such horror?
  15. You were brought into this world for a reason. So LIVE!
  16. Never seeing a new day, rain, sunshine, snow, children laughing, a rainbow again.
  17. Never being able to grow up more and make those haters realise that they were wrong all along. Work hard and come out more successful, happier and healthier than them. 
  18. Your life has a value whether you see it or not. Please don't end it.
  19. Missing out on all your favourite artists releasing new work.
  20. Missing out on those first dates... Those butterflies, taking a billion breath-mints.... all for that one special person.
  21. There is always somebody out there who wants you to live and can't imagine life without you.
  22. All that yummy food you will never be able to eat. 
  23. Seeing the iPhone 6! 
  24. You'll never watch the next episode of your favourite show, and you'll never see your favourite movie again.
  25. Once you kill yourself, you're gone. Finished. Bye bye. No one can bring you back. You'll never be able to try out the things you wanted, see places you wanted to see, meet new people, chase after your dreams, make new memories with the people you love. 
Please think about it properly. Do you really want to end everything? We all want to end all that pain and the hurt. But life also has those good little things in them. If you think about it properly, you'll be able to see all of those amazing little details about your life that you never noticed before. Life is so damn good no matter how much pain you're going through at this moment. Slap some sense into yourself and stop moping around. There are people who would do anything to have your life. Some people have absolutely nothing in their lives, yet they still find a reason to smile and a reason to fight harder for a better life. You have family, you have friends, you have a home, you have clothes to wear, you have food to eat, appreciate that for a change. Take a moment out of your day to reflect on your happy memories and all of the blessings that you have been blessed with and then hopefully, you will feel different about ending your own beautiful life.
No matter how many mistakes you have made, appologise, buy the person you hurt a gift. If they forgive you, then great! If they don't, then that is there problem. You have done what you can and that's what matters. We all make mistakes, don't constantly punish yourself for being human.

Stay strong,
You're so beautiful.
I promise.

Friday, January 11, 2013

How can I stay strong?

Everyone tells others to stay strong when they are going through a hard time. It seems like the typical thing to say now, especially between teenagers, but when I go through a hard time and people tell me to stay strong, I would sometimes think, "How can I stay strong, huh? It's easier said than done." Yes, it is.

Well, after years of pain, hardships, nightmares, tears and more pain (lol, i sound like a freaking 99 year old or something) I have reached the grand age of 16, when I'm wise enough to put together a few tips on how to stay strong.

  1. Cry: this sounds a little ironic because staying strong shouldn't mean crying and being "weak"... Crying usually says that we have been strong for too long. We are humans, the first step into becoming strong is just breaking down and crying it all out. Whether it's a few minutes or a few hours, just sit down, play a good emotional song, and just weep, sob, wail, scream... do the whole thing. Let all that anger, pain and frustration out. 
  2. Why should I stay strong? You can't stay strong through all of those hard times without knowing why you're staying strong. I can't tell you what the reasons are that you want to stay strong, because we are all different and we all have different lives, different stories and different reasons! But on a more general note: we all have a future, we are all going to graduate, move out of our parents' house, and then, all of those problems you had at school and home will be so stupid and so distant. You will have a new chance to have a different life. Everyday is a new chance in my opinion, but moving out/graduating is a whole different thing. It's where you're out there meeting new people, living with different ones, seeing different ones everyday. You won't be stuck in school with your bullies forever, you won't be imprisoned with your abusive brother forever, you won't be scared by that creepy neighbour forever. Everything ends. And you're staying strong, waiting for your problems to end where you can have a new start. Your problems will be solved, your issues will end. You don't even have to wait until you can move away from your problems, you can deal with them, face them and try to terminate them for good. 
  3. Accept what you're going through: whether you deserve it or not, whether your brought it on yourself or not, it is important to accept who you are, what is happening, what you are going through. This is life, don't expect it to be perfect. It can't be. And it would probably be boring anyway if it was. Just smile, and accept that you're going through problems. I've noticed that once I accept what I'm going through, it suddenly changes for the better.
  4. Physical strength: If you get insulted or hear things that bring you down, then make your muscles tense, that makes you feel strong physically and help you feel strong mentally.
  5. Accept your emotions: acknowledge your emotions and accept them. This will help you change your emotions into happier ones that help you to stay strong. 
  6. Do the opposite of what your emotions tell you to think: this makes you stronger emotionally.
  7. Laugh: whether you want to look something funny up, or just lie down and laugh for no reason. When I went to school, in 10th grade, our arabic teacher once cleared all the desks, put a little mat on the floor, told all the students to lay down our heads together to form a sort of circle, turned the lights off, then he'd crack a stupid joke and we'd all start laughing, and trust me, once one started, everyone joined in. We laughed for AGES. And let me tell you, we felt happy, relaxed and strong for like weeks afterwards. You should really try it out with your friends.
And just smile. Make the most of every day you have. Be grateful for what you have, some people would do anything to get an extra day where they're healthy, surrounded by their family and actually have a home. There is always somebody going through MUCH worse than you are, so just take a moment and feel happy, proud for who you are and grateful for what you have instead of focusing on what you don't have.
Remember, I'm always here for you. 

Stay strong,
You're beautiful.

Friday, January 4, 2013

Dealing with bullying.

"Nobody loves you, you may as well just kill yourself." "You're so fat, how can you even walk?" "You're too skinny, are you anorexic? Do you even eat?" 

Bullying. That dreadful behaviour that is such a common, wide-spread issue happening in schools everyday, all over the world.

Bullying has many forms, it can be verbal (when people insult you), psychological (spreading rumours about you, gossiping about you..etc) and physical (when you get pushed, tripped, punched, hit, beaten up, and in some cases, even sexually assaulted). It happens with both children and teenagers, and usually happens in schools. 

Bullying is an issue that should be taken more seriously. When a child speaks about being bullied to his/her parents (and that is rare), the parents don't class it as a serious issue, and just tell their children to stand up for themselves or to ignore it. Unfortunately, dealing with bullying isn't simple as that. Parents should support their children, investigate into this bullying, talk to the teachers/principal/parents of the bully, try and end this.

How to deal with bullying:

It is hard to deal with being bullied. Most people usually say to just ignore, but honestly, you shouldn't ignore it, you should face it, deal with it and try to stop it. Here's a few steps:

  • If you are bullied: don't be afraid to report the bullies to your teachers or the principal. Talk to your parents about it, explain to them what these people do/say and how it effects you. Your parents/teachers can't help unless you tell them about it. It also helps talking to your friends, or anyone else about it. Bottling up your emotions and feelings, and keeping everything to yourself has a bad effect on you. If you can, stand up to these bullies. If you show them that they don't effect you, they will back off. Bullies love seeing a reaction, whether is fear, sadness, hurt... that's what they're looking for. Don't let them see how their words or actions effect you.
  • If you know someone who is bullied: whether it's your friend, your neighbour, your class-mate, your cousin... It's always great to stand up for them if you see them being bullied. It might be an easy thing for you, especially if you are confident or able to stand up to those bullies, but it helps tremendously the bullied. Encourage them to talk about it, and report it or try to stand up for themselves. (Basically tell them what I have put above to the people who are bullied).
  • If your child is bullied: support them emotionally, be there for them, make them know how much you love them, and that they're great, special, important individuals. It's also important to talk to the teachers and even contact the parents of the bully. If it doesn't stop, don't give up. I know parents who have moved towns to get their kid into a better school because they were bullied in their previous ones. As a parent, your child will expect you to protect them, so it's your duty to stop the bullying and help your child deal with it. Encourage them to speak up and defend themselves. Don't be harsh on them, try to understand what they're going through. Being bullied can have a permanent, negative effect on your child's life. It must be stopped and dealt with in the correct manner.
Being bullied can lead to mental issues such as depression, anxiety, eating disorders, self-harm disorders, and  low-self esteem, lack of confidence, insecurity. It can even lead to suicide. Proof: Amanda Todd.
No matter what a person does or looks like, no body deserves to be bullied. No one.

Bullies are most likely to have a criminal record and end up in prison when older. They are the kind of people who somehow enjoy hurting people and putting them down. Some do it because of a previous, damaging experience, and some do it to hide their lack of confidence, low self-esteem and the weakness. They do it to feel powerful and somehow get respect from others. It is important for teachers/parents to make the bully understand that bullying is wrong and doesn't help them. If they think that the bully has mental issues, he should get treated. I'm not saying don't punish the bully and just be kind on them. It depends on the type of bully and why they do that. Some bullies need help, some need to be punished, and it's up the parent/guardian to determine what to do to the bully and how to stop him bullying others.

People need to realise that no matter whether they're skinny, fat, medium, curvy, white, black, Asian, gay, straight, bisexual, pretty, "ugly"... or whatever, they are humans, they don't deserve to be put down for what they have or what they don't have. We are all humans, we all deserve to feel smart, happy, confident. We all deserve to be loved. Non of us deserve to be bullied. We are all different. Don't change yourself to fit in with society's rules. Be yourself and embrace yourself for who you are, because that's you, that's what makes you beautiful, unique and special. Not everyone might see your good qualities (yes, you DO have some brilliant qualities), but that doesn't mean you don't have any. People will start to notice if you embrace yourself and feel proud of yourself and who you are.

"You are born original, don't die a copy."

Remember, I'm always here for you if you want to talk or need help or advice. Just contact me, okay?

Stay strong,
You're beautiful.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Inspirational stories.

I've been working on a few blog posts that involve bullying, suicide, dealing with people, boosting your confidence and much more. It's taking a while because I want all my posts to be perfect, or close to perfect. So, I've decided to share with you a few inspirational stories about troubled teenagers recovering and growing into great adults!

Danielle's Struggle to Find Acceptance

Danielle grew up in a household where her parents were heavy drug users and alcoholics. Strangers came in and out of the house at all hours of the night. One night, a man came into Danielle's room and raped her. She was 13. She told her parents, who dismissed it, saying that she must have just had a nightmare. Danielle decided to run away from home and become a member of a popular gang in the community.She became very close to these people and admired them. They weren't the best role models for her, but she figured they cared more about her than her own parents. She felt that she'd better do what they wanted, or they might turn their backs on her too. She began stealing, assaulting people, and using drugs and alcohol. Shortly after, she ended up spending five years in a juvenile detention center for her crimes.While there, she started therapy and found a religion that she found comfort in. She learned why she joined the gang and how her life spiraled out of control. By the time her sentence was up, she was a public speaker and a peer mentor to some of the younger detainees. After her release, she attended college and became a child psychologist.

Amanda's Search for Real Love

When Amanda was seven years old, her father left her mother. This devastated her mother, and she began drinking heavily. One night, her mother went to jail for several DUIs and other charges. The court decided she was an unfit mother, and since there was no other family available to take care of Amanda, she went into the foster care system.
At first, it was great, because she finally was able to be a part of a family that really cared about her, or so she thought. A couple weeks after she moved in, her foster parents decided that it wasn't going to work, so Amanda was sent to another home. The second home wasn't as nice as the first one, but they took care of her better than her mother did. However, after three weeks, the agency determined that the foster home was not appropriate for foster care and Amanda went somewhere else. At her third foster home, she once again found a loving family. She stayed for four months and she finally thought she had found her home - that is until the family decided not to participate in foster care any longer.
By the sixth home, Amanda convinced herself that no one wanted her in this world. To alleviate those feelings, she started to dress in a way that would gain her a lot of attention and she would accept whatever affection she could get. This meant that she was highly promiscuous and put herself at risk for STDs and pregnancy. Actually, she said that she didn't care if she got pregnant because she wouldn't mind having a little baby to hold, cuddle, and love.
About a year later, Amanda did become pregnant, and the father didn't want anything to do with the baby. She was 15 and expecting a child. Since her foster parents weren't equipped to care for a baby, she was once again sent to another foster home. Not only did she bounce from home to home, her baby ended up having the same fate - that is until she finally found the one family that accepted her for who she was.
Because of this family's commitment, care, and love for Amanda, she was able to finish high school and attend college. It wasn't easy. She had to work two jobs, pay for childcare, and do her coursework, while taking care of her child. All the hard work paid off. She ended up graduating with a business degree and is the childcare director of a day care center.

Jessica's Rebellion Against Authority

Jessica came from a loving, affluent home. The only problem was that Jessica never felt good enough. Her parents wanted her to be the best at everything, and they wanted her to consider them her best friends. When Jessica reached adolescence, she decided that she could not take her parent's demands any longer and did everything she could to go against her parents' wishes, which included joining the wrong crowd, drinking, using drugs, and committing crimes. Her parents had no idea what had gotten into her and feared for her future. Jessica didn't care that she was headed down a bleak path. Her parents signed her up for a wilderness camp.
The wilderness camp involved vigorous activities and many scare straight tactics. Jessica was reminded everyday that if she didn't shape up, she would end up suffering consequences much worse in jail or prison. Once the camp was over, Jessica went home as a completely different and new individual. Her parents understand where they went wrong through family counseling, and they were as happy to have their daughter back as Jessica was to be back.

Stay strong, 
You're so beautiful.