Wednesday, November 7, 2012


One in four teenagers self-harm. Yes, you read it right: one in four! Yet, this issue seems to have an unspoken rule that no one speaks of it, people act like it doesn't exist, when it does, and it is quite a serious issue.

Basically, self-harm is when people feel lost, angry, worthless, lonely, depressed, dead, sad, helpless, or/and hopeless they either cut themselves, burn themselves, pull their hair out (hair, eyebrows, eyelashes), swallow too many pills, stab themselves, bang their bodies against a wall, or any other way that causes themselves pain. It makes them feel alive, it can numb the pain, or have other effects. It just help them feel better for a short period of time, it's a way out. It is like a sort of drug, and yes, you get addicted to it after a while.

Why do people self-harm?

It's a way of dealing with very difficult feelings that build up inside. You may:

-Feel desperate about a problem and don't know where to turn for help. You feel trapped and helpless. When you self-harm, you feel more in control.

-Your feelings of anger or tension get bottled up inside until you feel like exploding. Self-harm relieves this tension.
Have feelings of guilt or shame that become unbearable - self-harm can be a way to punish yourself.

-You feel detached from the world and your body. This can be a way of coping with distressing experiences, such as trauma or abuse - by convincing yourself that it didn't happen, you avoid the pain of the memory but feel emotionally numb or dead. Self-harm is a way of feeling more connected and alive.


-Talking to someone can help you feel less alone, to see your problems more clearly. The following treatments may help:

-Self-help groups help people with similar problems to give each other support and practical advice – believe it or not, sharing problems in a group does help.

Group therapy can often help you sort out difficulties in getting on with other people. Talking therapies - including problem solving, cognitive behavioural therapy or psychodynamic psychotherapy - can all help. Some evidence suggests that problem-solving therapy may be beneficial too.

If you don't feel brave enough to join groups to get help, feel free to contact me. I have struggled with this issue for a couple of years and I think I have finally over come it, so, I do understand, I can listen and I will help.

One in three people who self-harm will do it again within a year if they don’t get help. People who self-harm are 50 times more likely to kill themselves. So please, get help!

What can I do if I know someone who self-harms?

-Listen to them without being critical. This can be very hard if you're upset or angry, but try to focus on them rather than your feelings.

-Try to understand their feelings, and then move the conversation to other things.

-Take the mystery out of self-harm by helping them find out more on the internet or at the library.

-Help them to think about their self-harm not as a shameful secret, but as a problem to be sorted out.

And please understand, it's not as simple as going into therapy or something and just stopping. You may need to convince them to stop self-harm. Yes, easier said than done, but here's something I wrote a while ago that will give you some ideas.

"Dear self-harmer,

So you hurt yourself? I did too. You realise that you have to stop? I realised too.
It might help during that moment, but then, all these emotions come crashing back worse than ever. It will only damage your body, leave ugly scars that will remind you of that dreaded pain everyday. And does it help solve your problems? No. So why do it? It will only harm you emotionally and physically, and hurt your family and friends when/if they find out. Long story short: it's crap and it won't change a thing."

Instead of hurting yourself, speak to someone (don't know who to talk to? I am here to listen! Contact me.), listen to music, watch a movie, go help your mum, do some homework, read a book, play sports, just do anything to keep your mind off of self-harm. I used to be like, "I'll wash up then I'll cut." Then when I washed up and I still felt the urge to do it, I'd be like, "I'll check my facebook then I'll cut." and it goes on until that urge finally went away, I know, it's hard! But you have to be strong, okay?

If you really must hurt yourself, take a cold shower, hold ice-cubes tightly in your hand (add ketchup or something red for the blood effect if you must). Use a knife or a razor or something and cut up some vegetables or something (NOT YOURSELF!). If you feel like it isn't helping, try drawing cuts onto your skin using a red pen.

If you feel like crying, then cry. Cry until you don't have any tears left. Cry your eyes out. It always helps. Punch a wall, your cushions, your little sister's dolls and stuffed animals (don't let her see you, she won't be happy! lol). Scream into your pillow, put on a song super loud and shout along with it, dance, jump around.
Write your feelings into a diary or a letter (no one has to see it, but if you wish to send it to someone, go ahead), or, again, talk to someone! Getting a hug of off your mum, bestfriend, boyfriend/girlfriend is the best. If you can't talk to someone you know, I am here for you. Or speak to one of your online friends.

Do you self-harm because of bullies? Don't do it. Stay strong. You are above them. They just want to see you break down, so don't do it. Keep your head held high. It's hard, but you can do it.

I remember reading something Alfredo Flores said that slapped me in the face and greatly helped me stop self-harming: "No pain is great enough to cause you to self-harm." and he's right. You are beautiful, I don't care whether you believe it or not because you're beautiful and you better start believing it! To someone out there, you mean the world. They look at you and think you're the most beautiful person out there. No one is ugly, everyone is beautiful in someone's eyes. So you are above hurting yourself. Your beautiful body doesn't deserve it.

I self-harmed for over a year as I went through my father being in prison, and other painful memories that haunted me and made me feel so worthless and dirty, I hated myself, maybe I still do, but cutting was my way out, I hurt myself in other ways too, thinking I deserved the pain. My mother found out last summer, gave me an awful telling off about how I had a great life and I didn't have problems like I think I have, then she tried to get me to talk to her about it but I couldn't speak to her. She told me if she ever saw cuts again, she'd ban me from going online until I'm no longer under her responsibility. She thought I was attention seeking and posted about it online, when I did tweet about once only because I knew mum would be going on my twitter so it was like an indirect message to mum... Anyway, mum's threats didn't stop me from doing it, and I just learnt to be more sneaky with it and self-harmed where she wouldn't be able to see. I hide the scars with bracelets and stuff like that, my best friends found out eventually and they helped me stop. I knew I had to stop, I knew it wasn't good for me, but it was hard, I would occupy myself with things I had to do before I cut, I would let my list get longer and longer until that urge to cut disappeared, when I felt like crap, I'd speak to people, either about how I felt or about other things to make me forget about my feelings. I am still struggling with it, but I haven't done it in maybe around a month, and hopefully it'll stay this way. It gets really hard at times, but I have to stay strong, right? Just like you guys have to.

Stay strong,
You're beautiful.



  1. mashallah great blog post....self harming is a very big problem in todays society but one that isn't really talked about much....I think that most teenagers go through least all the ones I knew of anyway.

  2. Its alright to say to talk to somebody but noone understands what you go through when you self harm and to be honest it feels like noone cares. But also it is so hard to explain why you did it and what you were feeling

  3. that all depends on who to talk to. Talking to previous/current self-harmers is great because they do understand these urges and feelings you go through. It is hard to explain it, that's why it's great to talk to someone over it online especially if you are shy or feel awkward talking about it. Not everybody cares, but usually, there is at least one person out there that truly cares. Even if you don't feel it, your mum really does care. I'm sure you have friends who care. A sister maybe or a brother? I truly care. Choosing the right person to talk to is important. Good luck!
    Stay strong!

  4. Hello there, I'm Malaysian bloggger and I want to help people that having self-harm problem either in Malaysia or overseas. I hope we can stay connected through blog . anyway, this is my blog, , reach me there. thanks! :)