Saturday, November 16, 2013

Dear Sexual Abuse Survivor

"Dear Sexual Abuse Survivor,

I know what it feels like. I know what to feels like to wake up everyday and look at yourself in the mirror and try to accept what has happened to you. Try to fight away the guilt, telling yourself it isn't your fault. Try to convince yourself that it's okay. That you'll soon forget. 

Truth is, you don't. I'm not going to lie. But you don't ever forget. It is permanent scarring. It will always be there. It will always effect you. But you can control it. You can eventually stop jumping and snapping at whoever touches you. For me, it's people who are close to me that effect me most. I can't bear being touched in any way. Especially adults like parents, uncles, aunts... Maybe it's because my abuser is close family. And even though I trust these figures... I just, I don't know. Them touching them makes me feel very uncomfortable and I get those unwanted flashbacks. 

Sexual abuse effects are different in each person. Another effect I hate is how I can't hug my baby sister or any other little kid, or hold them in my lap without feeling like a nasty pervert if I find my hand on their legs, lower stomach...etc. Even though it's completely innocent, I feel uncomfortable. So now, I'd rather just avoid physical contact with little kids. If I lay down on my bed and realise my hand is next to my chest or lower stomach I feel disgusted by myself and quickly pull my hands away. I'm not sure why. But I hate it. One of the worst effects is how I can't have a healthy relationship with anyone. I have a boyfriend now, we've been together for a while now and despite how comfortable I am with him, I can't sleep with him. I get too uncomfortable and if I force myself to go through with it, I feel miserable, depressed, disgusting and guilty for days... sometimes weeks after. And that takes a huge toll on our relationship. I'm terrified I'll never have a healthy relationship. 

I hate what my abuser did to me. I have no confidence, I am depressed, and I'm finding it very hard to move on from it all. I see a therapist who helps me a lot. But it takes so long to get better. I wish I was stronger. I feel sorry that my boyfriend isn't with someone healthy, someone who won't cry herself to sleep if he touches her in the wrong way. Someone who won't freak out if she's standing in the corner of an elevator full of men. Someone who doesn't curse men and their disgusting sexual desires that are supposed to be a natural part of life. A part of life that I just can't seem to accept. 

But I honestly believe, that one day, I will get better. I will be happy again. I will learn how to trust. How to love. How to be strong. Crying helps, writing helps, talking helps, praying helps, music helps, screaming helps. It's a long, hard journey to get better. But it's possible. I promise you. I've spoken to many people who were able to somewhat move on from their traumas. It really is possible.

Keep fighting. Fight hard. It's worth it. Keep in mind that non of what has happened is your fault. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to love and be loved. You really do. Please believe that."

This was emailed to me from a beautiful 19 year old girl, who wishes to remain anonymous. I re-wrote this for her as English isn't her first language. I hope this helps you survivors out there, or helps you to understand other survivors.

Stay strong & beautiful, y'all.


  1. I didn't want to read the post and run but I don't know any words that will make her feel better.

    I sincerely hope that things do get better for her, and she was strong to be able to share her story...that is a start in the right direction.


    1. Thank you for taking your time to read and show some support. Xo

  2. to this girl, you are brave for speaking out about whats happened to you and i hope you are able to find peace within yourself and keep up your strength and courage to move on. it takes time. you're right it never goes away but things can get better. i was also abused by a close family member, and for me its been over 12 years ago now since it stopped happening and in that time i've grown up and got married and had kids, and im living a normal life. there are still times it effects me massively, but also times that im fine and dont think about it! keep going with your therapy. what helped alot with me is finding a friend who has been through the same thing, so now we each have someone who understands. the other thing i find helps is keeping busy. whatever keeps your brain occupied and uses up your time is great, because there is less time to remember or dwell on anything, i find it helps to block anything like that out.
    i wish you all the best, and its so sad to hear of another victim of this. this is too common and too unfair, i wish there was something we can do to stamp out this problem for our future generations!!

  3. Reading this made me understand a little at how this can affect a person in even the littlest ways, I can't imagine not wanting to give a hug to a cute little niece! It is so upsetting knowing how these abusers mess with peoples lives in all ways imaginable!

  4. “Keep fighting.” – This is definitely the words of a strong woman. It’s not easy to deal with the abuse she experienced, but at least she never let it rule her life. I hope she is being surrounded by people who can help her get through all the pain she’s having.

    Vesta @

  5. It's nice to know that other people are passionate enough to encourage others in surviving the most difficult and traumatic experience in their lives. It is hard to move on after an abuse, especially if the offender is just across the street. I hope more victims would read this post and be encouraged. Let me just add that it'll never harm her to seek help. If she thinks she can't trust her family and friends about the case, she can consult professionals, like a social worker or a lawyer, to help her attain justice. Keep fighting and fight real hard. I know she can surpass this challenge. :)

    Chin Angevine @ GreaterHoustonDefense